Freedom to Care

My kids are selfish, inconsiderate, and have an incredible talent for being annoying when least convenient. They are also some of the kindest people I know - in their hearts. What I mean is that they don't now how to show it. They come across as spoiled and mean at times, but not because they are. This is something that has frustrated me for so long. Because, truth be told, my kids are not spoiled at all. I am very strict. I'm the "go to bed without dinner for that attitude and pray I don't bruise your butt" dad. I think I get it from my mom. The problem is that I often fail to balance it with her grace. And now, my kids are the way they are because I fail them daily.

I recently had an epiphany here in Bolivia. Just to give you the backstory, let me explain something about me. I have many faults and errors. I am a flawed and fallen human being, saved by God's grace. However, God has given me an incredibly deep ability to love profoundly. I love to help others. I love to give. It doesn't matter what I need to give up, if I can help, I try to help (Titus 3:14). This is one of my greatest joys in life - to meet needs, often without regard to my own. I trust God to carry me through. I've learned that. Through so many ups and downs and seasons of lack, I really trust God - even when my own dumb mistakes put me in those situations. God is still gracious, his discipline is still beautiful, and his kindness still daily leads me to repentance.

I try to teach my family, my children, through example. I want them to see me invest in others, give to others; I want them to feel the joy of sacrifice so that the needs of others can be met. But they so often don't understand. They so often simply focus on what they want, what makes them happy. Why can't they get it?

Growing up without my father, I know what its like to desire a father, and have always had a passion for loving the fatherless. But my experiences have also left me feeling very inadequate in my own role as father. I find it easier to invest in and care for children who do not have a father in their lives. I guess my thinking is that they are going from nothing to something and so I can't really fail too badly. But, to be honest, I struggle with not knowing how to be a dad at home. I guess I often assume that having a man in the house, who loves them, is enough. I forget to invest, for feelings of ineptness. My emotional distance and absence leaves them looking to fill emotional and other needs themselves.

I've often taught about how we can meet needs and we can be passionately obedient to God because God is sovereign over our lives, loves us, and will take care of his children (Philippians 4:18-19; Paul assures them in their giving that God will continue to supply their needs). Because God will concern himself with my needs, I can concern myself with His purpose and calling in my life, without fear. God's working and his presence in my life give me the freedom to care for others and to walk in submission to his Word. When I lose trust in Him, my ability to care for others is diminished because I transition from a focus on others to a focus on my needs. I cannot give generously or love deeply when my faith in God is wavering because of trial or circumstance.

My children are not selfish, inconsiderate, or annoying (well sometimes they are genuinely annoying - they are kids). Their dad has not given them the freedom they need to care. I realized that those times I was so worried about spoiling my kids, I was actually trapping them in their concern for themselves. Are they selfish to an extent? Yes. They are kids and they are fallen human beings with a sin nature. But God is bigger than their sin and his promises are sure. As they are transformed by his grace, their hearts will look more and more like Jesus (Romans 8:29). But I have to be a good steward of that change, by investing in my kids. I have to give them the freedom to care for others.

I want to challenge you in two things today. Who in your life are you limiting because you aren't giving them the freedom they need to care? Your spouse? Your kids? Yourself? And, secondly, how is your trust in God's promises giving you the freedom you need to be generous and meet the needs of the least around you? I can fail my kids in my responsibilities, but God will never fail. He is ever-faithful and his Word is sure (1 Thessalonians 5:24, Isaiah 55:11). We can trust him. When we fail to care, it isn't because he hasn't given us the freedom to care, it's because we have chosen not to walk in that freedom. When I feel inept or unable to care for my children the way God has instructed, it isn't because God hasn't given me the freedom to care, but because I have failed to trust him in this area. Let's do this together. Let's start trusting God's plan for us more than our own plan for us and let's walk in greater freedom to do the work he has called us to do. Share the gospel with your family today. Share it with someone else. Look for the needs around you, both physically and spiritually.

God Bless!

Seth