The Day I Met Royalty

It seems fitting that I write a blog about my daughters' arrival in light of the recent blog about my son, Cruz. This is the story of the day I met two princesses who turned my world into one of fairies, hair bows, and a constant battle for Cruz and I do do anything manly...

Two weeks before we finalized Cruz's adoption, we received a phone call from Social Services regarding a sibling group of two girls who would soon be available for adoption. They were looking for a home that was open to a minority placement, and our file came up. A year or so previously, we had added that to our file since there had been an influx of Hispanic children to state custody. I told the social worker that I'd have to return her call as my wife and I were planning to finalize Cruz's adoption and take a break from resource parenting in order to try and have a biological child.

Ashley and I had planned to adopt Cruz, have a few children of our own, then adopt again far down the road. We had just purchased a small new home that we intended to outgrow over a few years. Adopting again wasn't going to be our plan for another 5-10 years. After all, we wanted children of our own too.

I spoke with Ashley the first chance I got. I filled her in on the information I had about the girls. Two sisters, half Hispanic, 14 months and 2 and 1/2 years old, adoption placement. That was a huge burden. We knew this. It was impractical, and from the perspective of secular wisdom, it wasn't a good choice for us to pursue at the time. However, our hearts said differently. With our minds, we thought, "How?" With our hearts, we silently said, "Yes."

We decided to pray about it. We prayed together. We prayed separately. We talked and looked at all the pros and cons. We discussed the practicality of it and how it would affect Cruz, our families, and our lives. But in all the discussion, our hearts pleaded their case. So, rather than to simply discuss whether or not we should take them, and rather than discuss whether or not we could take them, we simply asked God to confirm in us which course was obedient. We came to the conclusion that it wasn't a matter of should or could, but of obedience. "Lord, not our will, but yours. Not with our understanding, but with your wisdom."

After prayer and reflection, we knew that God had put this desire in our hearts. We were delighting in Christ, and our steps began to show brightly. I returned the call and explain that after talking and praying, we would accept the placement. We were told that drop off would be scheduled after Cruz's adoption as the state does not allow placement of a child during adoption proceeding. We had 2 weeks.

We could not wait. And at the same time, we could. We were nervous, apprehensive, jittery...scared. Cruz was 3 when we got him. These girls were 14 months and 2 and 1/2. We needed to get our house ready, fast...2 weeks fast. We didn't have 9 months of preparation or years to get each kid accustomed to our home, our schedule, our ways, our expectations. We were taking a leap from zero kids to 3 kids, 4 and under, in a matter of a year and 3 months. Only God could have given us the strength it was going to take to adjust to this life.

The day of Cruz's adoption I was so full of emotion, I didn't know how to act. The adoption was that morning, lunch with family, and I was going back to work for the afternoon. The girls were to be dropped off that afternoon. The day was full of emotions and I rode them, highs and lows, all day. In retrospect, the $50 I was making for half a days work really wasn't all that worth it for roller coaster I was on. After I clocked out, I walked, quite awkwardly, to my car. I couldn't decide whether to move quickly or to move slowly. I spent the whole day thinking I needed to use the bathroom because of my nerves. I got in my car, crossed the railroad tracks behind the bank, and headed home.

I pulled in to my driveway and realized that I didn't want to move slowly at all. I wanted to run inside and look at the girls that God had sent us. I had never met them, and only had two weeks to prepare for the idea of being a dad to three, but I could not wait to see them and hold them and love them.

I walked in from the garage and there they were: two princesses, at the table, shirtless and covered head to toe in spaghetti. Both were smiling and squealing. My mom was sitting at the table too, also covered in spaghetti. Ashley was running around looking busy, but I think she was just nervous and afraid to sit down. She gets extremely productive when she is anxious, and this was enough to keep us both on our toes. I immediately became productive too as I wasn't sure what to do. How do you act? Do I pick them up and say, "I'll be dad, this is mom, this is your brother, this is Grandmama, and this is your new home." They were small and didn't know us. They were covered in spaghetti and I didn't want to be dirty (yeah, don't laugh..we were new to the parenting thing).

Eventually, my mom went home, and we were left with them alone. This time was even more awkward than the day we got Cruz. They didn't want to go to bed, they cried, they screamed, they took over our house. We laid in bed that night silently. For the next few weeks, we constantly asked each other, "Are we doing the right thing?"

It was hard, and rarely fun. They were needy, strong-willed, and had Cruz in a tizzy fighting for attention. For the next six months, we went to bed tired, ugly, and nearly surrendered. But during that time, God began to foster a love in us that we hadn't known before, a love in me that was very new. The love for daughters. I didn't love Cruz any less. And I didn't now prefer my girls to Cruz, but as any parent with more than one child knows, you love all your children differently. Not in preference or favoritism, but with great love that is as different as their personalities.

Now, almost 5 years later, my children are my blessing and heritage from the Lord. We still have hopes of biological children one day, but we are content with these precious jewels the Lord has given us to care for. My daughters are truly royalty, and I would defend their honor to the death. I teach my son, now with greater concern, how a prince should act and how he should treat a princess. This is because only a prince is worthy of a princess, or a princess a prince. I teach my daughters that they are valued and loved and that I would cross great deserts, deep waters, and ferocious dragons to protect them. I raise them to know that they are daughter of the High King and joint heirs with Christ, who is the savior of the world. My daily goal is for them to see the way I treat their mom and to expect nothing less from a future husband. I want them to know the lesson of humility though it hurts, courage though it is difficult, and kindness because it is right. I want them to be every bit the queen their mother is. My most valuable gift in this life, other than my precious salvation, is the privilege to be the man I am: husband, dad, and priest of my home.

The Day My Heart Grew

February 5th, 2009

     It was a quiet afternoon at home. I was working on dinner and Ashley was doing some light cleaning. The television was on. My phone rang and I recognized the number. Libby, our resource worker was calling. "This is it!" I thought to myself. "Our first foster child!"

     Ashley and I had been married just over the required 2 years and, after some prayer and discussion, had become license foster parents. Growing up without my father, I always wanted to adopt children and to work with children. To love them and teach them. To give them an example or a shoulder. Ashley, too, wanted the same thing. God had made her with the unique ability to love like a mom. And that was her highest goal.

- "Mr. Powell, this is Libby with DHS. Do you have a moment?"

- "Yes, ma'am."

- "Look, I have a little boy who needs placement. His name is Cruz. He has blond hair and blue eyes. He is 3 years old. I will tell you, though, there are some issues."

- "I understand. What issues are we talking about?"

- "He isn't potty trained and is developmentally delayed."

- "Uh-huh. What type of delays?"

- "He is having trouble with his speech and I'm not sure what else, other than not being potty trained."

- "I see. And how long would this placement be?"

- "It would be around 3 to 6 months. The goal is reunification and we have a court date set for March 16th."

- "Okay. Well, let me talk to my wife and get back with you tonight."

- "Okay, I'll look for your call then."

     Ashley and I talked about it. This was not our plan. We signed up for school aged children. We weren't ready for daycare. We weren't sure about a developmentally delayed child. On the other hand, we were basically asking God for a child to foster soon. We were licensed and expected calls to roll in, but they didn't. It took two months before the first call.

     We decided to pray together. We did. We still weren't sure, but we began to think about the fact that this little boy needed a home. We weren't sure how we'd deal with the delays or where he'd go to daycare, but we knew God would give us strength. We knew that when we messed up, God would be there to bring healing and provision. We knew that it was both good and right to care for children in need. So, we decided, although anxiously, to okay the placement.

     I called Libby back and told her the news. After the phone call, Ashley and I sat staring at each other. We smiled goofily. Maybe we were being a bit naive, but we actually started to get excited and giddy about the temporary addition to our home. We talked for hours that night before falling asleep far past our bedtime.

February 6th, 2009

     All day at work, I couldn't focus. I told all of my co-workers about it. It probably took up far too much of my students' class time than it should've. But, I was thrilled and expectant. Looking back, I'm not sure it was any different from a ride to the hospital with a baby on the way. I hurried home after school. Ashley beat me there and had the house spotless. We both sat, staring out the window, waiting for Libby to pull up with little Cruz.

     After an excruciatingly long 5 minutes of waiting, we saw her blue van pull into our driveway. Ashley let out a soft squeal and I suddenly had knots in my stomach. We walked outside to meet her and she was getting him out of his carseat. She turned to us, and there he was. This little boy, only a month past 3 years old, had been in 5 different houses, in just 6 months, before coming to live with us. He was wearing a sweater that was 2 sizes too big. I noticed quickly that he, in fact, had brown hair and brown eyes. Libby handed him over to Ashley and we walked inside.

     Not a second after we were back indoors, Cruz needed a diaper change. Ashley was already on duty. She awkwardly changed the diaper of this speechless, 3 year old, just 5 minutes after meeting him. Libby helped us get his few things into the house and put away. She asked us if we needed anything and after letting her know we were good to go, she headed out.

    Well, the house was quiet. And we all just sat at the table and gawked at each other. What do you do on the first day you have a child and that child is not a baby? In our case, we went to Mcdonalds and Target. That's the protocol, right?

March 16th, 2009

     This was the day we were to meet Cruz's mother. We were so nervous about the hearing. The judge was going to give reunification orders and provide his mother with a list of things she would have to do before she could have her son back. Some of those things were to get a steady job, adequate housing, attend parenting classes, etc. We arrived early and waited anxiously. Obviously we had fallen in love with this beautiful little boy. He called me 'Se' and Ashley, 'Ahsh,' and was such a blessing to us.

     Cruz's social worker told us that no one had heard from his mom and that they weren't sure if she'd be there. She had missed a prior court appointment and no one knew her whereabouts. It was soon time to go into the court room and she was yet to arrive. As the hearing progressed, we heard what we didn't expect. The state had decided, in light of her disappearance, to initiate TPR (termination of parental rights). If this was completed successfully, Cruz would be 'free for adoption' and the state would have sole custody.

     Hearing this, and later having it explained to us, we were consumed with hope. Hope for this little boy to become our son. Forever. We were so excited about the possibility.

    After the hearing, we went to pick Cruz up from the shelter near the courthouse (they were baby-sitting for us during the court hearing). The nice lady brought him out to us. "Cruz, here is your momma and daddy to pick you up." I could not believe she called us that. We were told not to make kids call us that. But, it felt so good to hear. Words I'll remember forever. From that moment on, he called us 'Ma' and 'Da.'

May 11th, 2010

     A year and half later, we were finalizing Cruz's adoption. He had come so far. He was talking on target for his age. He was potty trained. He was exactly where he should be. All delays were gone. We were so happy. On this day, Cruz became a Powell. Forever.

November 2nd, 2013  

     He is my son, and I am so pleased with who he is. It doesn't matter what his biology is, he is MINE. God meant him for US. And in turn, I give him to God. And I pray that I am the dad he deserves. There are more days than not, I wonder if I'm failing. I worry I'm too hard on him. I worry I'm too easy on him. I worry that I don't teach him enough. I'm often scared because I don't know how a dad is supposed to act. I don't have much of a point of reference, having grown up without one. God blessed me with some great men in my life to look to. But, I often struggle with the day to day.

     And so I resolve. He is mine, but first he is the Lord's. I remember daily that I am not capable, but my God is. I cling to the promise that in my weakness and inadequacy, his strength and ability are perfect. This Thanksgiving, I'm pondering the great gratitude I have for the children God has graciously granted me to care for in this life. I am truly blessed.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man

who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame

when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." 

(Psalm 127:3-5, ESV)