The other day, Ashley and I loaded the kids up to head out to my brother-in-law's house for a Christmas dinner. As we pulled in, there in the driveway was my father-in-law's new truck (well, new to him - but still a very nice newer vehicle). I have to repent, because my first thought was not of joy for his blessing or of even of happiness for his new purchase. I was jealous.
Anyhow, what was the root of this personal frustration? Comparison. I didn't have it. He did. I wanted it. And, because I was focused on 'self' and what I thought I deserved because I considered myself as equal or greater, I sinned. Comparison is one of the deepest roots of our sinful behavior. It is rooted in self. We desire to protect self. We want to make sure self is happy. We do all we can to preserve self and to help self survive. This was the root of the first sin - Adam sinned because he compared self with God and wanted what God had and what self did not.
We have a tendency to focus on the commands of scripture that are choice-centered, that have to do with our actions. But, we shy away from those that regard our emotions and feelings as just as important. We don't like to think about our failings of obedience in our joy, contentedness, etc. Those are commands in scripture that we don't like to acknowledge because they are not as easy to obey as don't do this or don't do that.
We are told not to covet. It is one of the ten commandments. Yet it is not something that others typically can see in us because it is an emotion, a feeling. How do we control the way we feel? How can I choose this emotion over that one? Well, I think the answer is that we can't. So, the only choice we have is to seek God so diligently that he becomes our greatest prize. The more we minimize self, and maximize Christ, the more he becomes our focus and our treasure. "Where your treasure is, your heart is also." We then lessen the affect of comparison, which is never present without pride.
Comparison and pride go hand in hand. This is because when we compare ourselves with others, we begin to measure our success, our possessions, our status, our reputation, etc by what we feel we deserve. We then draw conclusions based on whether those around us have more or less than they deserve; we do this to see if we have somehow been 'shafted.' If I 'do' (based on my assumptions) more for God than so-and-so, but he has more prestige, money, etc than I do, I begin to, not only covet what he has, but I start to resent God for his 'unfairness.' I am comparing my worth (in my eyes) with his worth (in my eyes). Comparison is never about things, it is always about how we see ourselves on the value scale. We can't stop looking for the answer to the question, "How much am I worth?"
The answer is bitter-sweet. We are of little to no value in our own strength, our own abilities, our own ambitions, our own goals, or our own merit. We can become incredibly dissatisfied with life when we stake our value in what self can do and not in what Christ has done. Paul tells us that we have been "crucified with Christ" so that it is "no longer [we] who live, but Christ in [us]." We were bought with a price. When we live for self, we are walking in accordance with the flesh and are at odds with (an enemy of) God. However, when we walk in step with the spirit, crucifying the flesh and its desires, we can then please God. We work not through selfish ambition (Phil 2:3), but in selfless pursuit of Christ.
If you want to win the battle against comparison and pride, learn to war against self. Be diligent in your pursuit of Christ and in your fight against your flesh. Hold God's word in your mouth and in your heart, being a doer, rather than only a hearer. "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11
*For more on how to battle self, check out my Desire series. Click HERE for Part 1.
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