Grace When You Hurt

In 12 days, my family and I will move back to the US as I begin my masters in divinity at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and look for a church to serve there in the States. During the 5 years we have served in Bolivia, we've seen many missionary families go back to the US. And, to be perfectly honest, there are two types of families that leave. There are the ones who left with really nothing to show for their time here, promising to return for a visit and then never really looked back at Bolivia. Their departure was without tears and there was no void felt by those who knew them here. This is because missions is hard. It can make you cold and bitter if you let it. Then, there are the families who poured themselves out in every way, to make the gospel known, the love of Christ felt, and the majesty of Jesus displayed among their service. They left with many tears and legitimate mourning for the loss of physical closeness and presence with their Bolivian loved ones. The difference is the ability to lose oneself to find Christ (Matthew 16:25). I have sat back and watched as both have played out in front of us, and with one thought in mind. "I don't want to be in the former." But, to be among the latter hurts. And, it hurts deeply.

There are more than just a few days that tears lay just behind my smile. The relationships I've built here are the strongest and deepest and most meaningful that I've ever had in my life. I have a friend who is truly closer than a brother, my "Jonathon" so to speak (1 Samuel 18:1, Proverbs 18:24). Cris has been an encouragement in many storms, seen me at my worst and at my best and has shown himself as a faithful friend in every circumstance. There is a boy who over the years was knit to my heart as another son. I have watched him grow from a challenged and rebellious boy into a responsible young man of integrity who loves God and wants to serve him as a medical missionary. Edson was the first person we led to Christ in Bolivia - and reminds me much of the affection between Paul and Timothy. I cannot express the depth of pain in my heart knowing that I will not see them everyday. Andrés was the second to receive the gospel and believe on Christ for salvation on Easter Sunday our second year here. We've shared tears and embraces while praying for forgiveness of sin, for encouragement in the journey, for peace in difficult times. I watched him endure a season of solitude in his military service while remaining faithful to God in times of darkness. I remember when almost 2 years ago, he brought his friend Miky to visit us because he'd been witnessing to him. Miky had so many questions and was very bitter with the Church. In our talks, I saw Miky come to understand the gospel and grow in love for Jesus as his savior. He now longs to serve the Lord in every way, excited about evangelism and missions. I remember when Jhoel and Eric, two cousins, started coming to Bible study. They are from Catholic families, but found a love for God's word and belonging in the community of believers God built in our neighborhood. Even Eric's little brother, Emanuel, begged to come to the youth meetings. It was such a blessing every time I visited Eric, Emanuel would run out to greet me and show me his little Gideon Bible and tell me he was reading it. He was excited to tell me how much he loved his Bible, calling it "beautiful." There are so many wonderful moments in my memory of getting to pray and chat with visiting cousins and friends to receive forgiveness and to seek Christ because they saw changes in their families and friends, and wanted the same for themselves. I've seen sincere love change people and families and communities. I've seen strangers become like family to me, and this because of the work of Christ within us. When we made our move to Bolivia 5 years ago, it was difficult saying good-bye to family and friends, and it hurt. But, what we have built here, what God has built here, saying goodbye is like a losing a part of myself.

The Word says in Jeremiah, "I will give them one heart and one purpose, that they might worship me forever, for their good and that of their descendants." When God builds his church, he truly gives one heart. We are all knit together in the bonds of Christ's love. I have never known community in Christ as I have known it here. When I took on the position of associate pastor at En Su Palabra, I was amazed at how Christ centered and Biblically rooted this congregation was. Never have I seen a church operate with such faithfulness to God's word. There were no "bylaws" or "confessions" apart from God's word. Not a single decision was made without thoughtful and prayerful consideration of God's word and a unanimous vote among the pastors and elders. It felt like we brought the church of Acts to the modern world. Tradition and culture did not play a role, only God's word. And, never have I seen a congregation so hungry and open to the plain and convicting teaching of Scripture from the pulpit. There was no exclusion of sin or diluting of scripture to suit the culture or the people, but simple, clear proclamation of God's word. I feel so blessed to have all the experiences that I've had here.

So, in this countdown to the US, I'm hurting. I don't want to say good bye. I don't want to leave my family. I can't bare the thought of not seeing their faces, or feeling their embrace, or watching them grow ever more deeply in love with Jesus and his word. But God gives grace. And, it is always sufficient. The pain is a testament to his grace. The hurt is proof of his gift of love among his people. Lately I've been thinking about Paul's love for the Philippians. He spent less than a year in Philippi in his first visit there and most of that was in prison. Then, a second visit a few years later, where he baptized a few more converts. Years later, Paul writes the church expressing his deep love for them, calling them his "beloved" and commenting on the joy he feels every time he prays for them. He may have spent a short time there, but God gave him a great affection for the church there. A few months ago, as I was praying through the grief I was feeling about our departure, the Holy Spirit drew me to this book. In chapter 2, verse 12 and 13, Paul says, "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." God reminded me that he is sovereign over the hearts of men and over the health and growth of his church. That in my absence, he will work in them to will and to work. And, in reality it is Him who has been working this entire time. I've been privileged to play a role and to grow in love for the people of Cochabamba, but this is God's work. He owns the credit and He will see it to completion. My job is to obey his leading, no matter how much it hurts or how scary the journey may be.

All this to say, please pray for my family, for me, and especially for our loved ones here in Bolivia. The names mentioned above are but a sampling of the many many many deep friendship and absolute miracles accumulated in our time here. There is a mourning in our hearts, only lightened by the peace of Christ's guidance. We will be back to Bolivia as often as God allows, our hearts are planted deeply in the soil of Bolivia and we love this land and it's people dearly. May God be glorified in all that he is doing through the people of Cochabamba. May he richly bless and grow his Church here, and may the message of the Cross be taken into every dark corner of this country, and into the world. Jesus reigns on high, and will have his church in Bolivia. Grace and Peace, friends. Thank you for your prayers.